(CNN) — It’s not a good week to be a celebrity cell phone.
But before we even begin to dive into that world, let’s go into a different preventive exercise that you’ll thank me for later: Take your cell phone out. Go into the media library that stores your photos. Among the pics of your pet and that amazing plate of spaghetti from that fancy dinner, find the incriminating ones you wouldn’t want a soul seeing. Erase them. Do the same with text messages.
All set? Good. Now we can carry on with a feeling of safety while immersing ourselves deeper into the story at hand.
On Wednesday, two of Hollywood’s hottest young stars — Scarlett Johansson and Mila Kunis — reportedly found themselves at the center of a cell phone hacking scandal that is said to have eventually made its way all the way to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. The FBI could not confirm the name of specific hacking victims, and a representative said in a statement that “The FBI is investigating the person or group responsible for computer intrusions of high-profile figures, but due to it being an ongoing investigation, we’re not at liberty to confirm specific victims or the number of victims.”
Scarlett Johansson’s nude photos?
Neither Johansson nor Kunis has confirmed that their phones have been hacked.
For Johansson, alleged nude photos zoomed across the Internet after they were allegedly stolen from her cell phone. And while there is supposedly only one photo of Kunis taken from her phone, it’s the alleged photos and texts to and from Justin Timberlake that are causing a stir.
Kunis and Timberlake had definite on-screen chemistry in “Friends with Benefits,” a film about, well, friends who sleep together. Pretty much anyone with knowledge of Hollywood or celebrities thought something was going on there. With every media interview, the two joked and feigned a flirty relationship that raised eyebrows. Then, the media blitz ended, Timberlake was spotted again with ex Jessica Biel, and that was that.
That was until Wednesday, when reports of alleged stolen cell phone photos from Kunis’ phone reportedly of Timberlake — one where he’s said to have a pair of underwear on his head — started surfacing. As of early Thursday, said photos — if they actually exist — had not yet surfaced.
In unrelated, but still relevant, cell phone hacking news, Sienna Miller for the first time opened up this week about how she was a victim of the massive News of the World phone hacking scandal that invaded the lives and communications of several celebrities, politicians and families of murder victims.
When stories began hitting newsstands that clearly no one could possibly know about aside from Miller and her closest confidants, she said on “Today,” she became “incredibly paranoid” because she felt “everything is compromised enormously. … It had a huge impact on relationships, friendships and my career.”
While Miller’s case is far different from the alleged cases of Johansson and Kunis, all of this hacking raises the question: How can situations like this be prevented?
Here are a few suggestions, ideas and thoughts* that can help not only the celebrities involved, but, in one scenario, might also aid our struggling economy. (And before you let loose in the comments, be aware that the tongue was firmly in the cheek when these were written.):
■ Build a government-run celebrity cell phone network: Just like you and me, celebrities have cell phone contracts with the same old protections of non-celebs.
Well, they (clearly) need better mobile security. So, take whatever cell phone system the CIA, FBI and military operate on — with all of the necessary security measures in place — build an offshoot version of it only for celebrities, and charge them an exorbitant amount of money each month for it. In fact, charge them based on how scandalous the content on the phone is. The more nude pics or salacious texts you have, the higher your monthly rate. The money goes straight to the government, their nude photos stay safe, and our national debt just got lessened. U.S.A! U.S.A!
■ Walkie-talkies and CBs: If the technology of today makes it easy for scandals of this nature to occur, people of importance should turn back the clock and embrace the old school. Trouble ensues when your phone doubles as a portable hard drive for photos and other potential red flags. A walkie-talkie doesn’t. Hey, get a beeper while you’re at it. The worst thing that can happen there is someone texts you “58008.”
■ Make cell phone hacks an act of terrorism: Somewhere, the hacker behind the celebrity stings is laughing and living it up after exposing the lives of people in the spotlight. One surefire way to stop him/her and 99% of the others from trying to continue the art of the hack? Those so-called “enhanced interrogation” techniques. Answer this: Would you post a nude photo of someone if it meant potentially being waterboarded and slapped repeatedly? Didn’t think so.
*Or just don’t take/have/send things like this on your phone.